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Part Three: The Rest of What I’ve Learned

Believe someone when they show you who they are.
Again: BELIEVE SOMEONE WHEN THEY SHOW YOU WHO YOU ARE.
Say your prayers.
No one is paying as much attention to you as you are, so give yourself a break.
Your first day of work is just another day to everybody else there.
Your cat will always puke in the worst possible place. Like your printer.
If you talk badly about someone, they’ll show up behind you. However if you talk nicely about someone (say, Leonardo DiCaprio), they most likely will not show up behind you. Ever. Or in front of you or under you or on top of you. Unfortunately.
Keep date books and look at them regularly to see what you were doing this date a year or two or ten ago. Actual, leather-bound, write in pen on that thing called paper, date books.
When all else fails, force yourself to smile. It will create endorphins that will actually make you feel happier. If it doesn’t work, at least people on the subway will wonder what the hell you’re so happy about.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome. Judging from my dating life and my career course, I am obviously completely insane.
If you find a cat at 3:00 in the morning, keep it. Get it washed and stuff, but keep it. This goes for dogs as well. This does not go for men.
When you stop complaining, things actually get better. But it’s not nearly as much fun.
Nothing makes you feel better than a fat baby in a bikini.
When you move to a building overlooking a construction site, don’t be surprised when you get woken up by jack hammers and multiple day laborers a foot outside your third floor window.
Look at the subway seat before you sit down. You’re welcome.
Enjoy thunderstorms, even if it means you get drenched. Especially if it means you get drenched.
Find beauty in small things, like rainbows in oil puddles, and glitter. And tiny little grains of salt that are perfectly square. I could go on and on.