Part Three: The Rest of What I’ve Learned

30 Jan
I puke in electronics.
  • Believe someone when they show you who they are.
  • Say your prayers.
  • No one is paying as much attention to you as you are, so give  yourself a break.
  • Your first day of work is just another day to everybody else there.
  • Your cat will always puke in the worst possible place. Like your printer.
  • If you talk badly about someone, they’ll show up behind you. However if you talk nicely about someone (say, Leonardo DiCaprio), they most likely will not show up behind you. Ever. Or in front of you or under you or on top of you. Unfortunately.
  • Keep date books and look at them regularly to see what you were doing this date a year or two or ten ago. Actual, leather-bound, write in pen on that thing called paper, date books.
  • When all else fails, force yourself to smile. It will create endorphins that will actually make you feel happier. If it doesn’t work, at least people on the subway will wonder what the hell you’re so happy about.

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