Archive | January, 2015

Breaking Up is Hard to Do

13 Jan

I think we all know that breaking up is not fun. Whether the one broken up with or the one doing the dumping, in general, ending a relationship that was once full of love (or at least a lot of like), laughter, and promise is not something most people enjoy. It is, though, of course always more painful for the one on the receiving end of the break. If you are reading this and thinking “Well, I wouldn’t know, I’ve never been broken up with,” well, I know you think things have been going swimmingly, but I no longer want you reading Ophelia’s Prozac anymore. There! Dumped! BOOM knife to the heart and you didn’t see it coming. (I’m kidding pleasedon’tgoIloveyou).


Now that that’s been taken care of… Let’s discuss dealing with the pain of a breakup, shall we? While there are a lot of things that can be done to make the process easier on everyone (mature things like being open and honest, communicating clearly, and spending time with family and friends, and less mature but more helpful things like eating a lot of crap foods and crying while watching Youtube videos of people receiving puppies as presents), I have recently come across an article that I think clearly illustrates the number one, letter A, top of the list thing you should NOT do after you are broken up with: Do not attempt to break into your ex’s home by nakedly shimmying down his or her chimney. You read that correctly, and that is not a euphemism for something risque. That happened. Someone attempted this. So now you can just cross that off your “Things I was Considering Doing” list immediately. You aren’t Santa. That shit won’t work. Case in point: real photo of the naked, soot covered legs of the aforementioned female, who is wedged inside her ex-boyfriend’s chimney after taking off her clothes. (Did she think that would make it easier to fit? Was she trying to be sexy? I have so very many questions.) Click photo for larger version, you know you want to.

Just hanging out, don't mind me!

Just hanging out, don’t mind me!

It took California firefighters two full hours to get this thirty-five year-old mother of three (God help those kids) unstuck, and I can’t imagine if it was more painful, uncomfortable, or overwhelmingly embarrassing. I almost wonder if someone who gets herself into that situation in the first place is even capable of realizing how ridiculously embarrassed she should be; I mean, everyone knows how much easier it is to nakedly squeeze through dog doors. Sheesh. Have some dignity, people.

Empty chimney: Watch out world, that women is loose.

Empty chimney: Watch out world, that women is loose.

*Chimney photos borrowed from the NY Daily News*